Haven't got a clue - so?

From the Echo, first published Friday 17th Oct 2003.

REMEMBER the great performance Tom Selleck gave as Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

Or how good Shirley Temple was in the Wizard of Oz? Or Robert Redford's gripping turn as Michael Corleone in The Godfather?

Of course you don't, because these are casting ideas that, for one reason or another, never happened. And the roles they might have played went to others who left an indelible mark on them.

Who else but Harrison Ford could be Indiana Jones, for example?

Of course, some characters can be played by more than one actor. James Bond, for example, has been portrayed on the silver screen by, to date, five actors (I don't count Casino Royale), even though Sean Connery surely made the role his own.

Though, come to think of it, it took George Lazenby to draw the vitriol of the critics before Roger Moore could be regarded as an acceptable alternative.

Bond, though, isn't the whole movie; for the most part he's a cipher to spin the glamorous locations, gorgeous women and malevolent villains around.

Some characters, however, are the whole film, and Peter Sellers' Inspector Clouseau is a fine example of this.

Of course, the reason I'm writing about all this is the news that Steve Martin is set to don the trenchcoat and dodgy French accent of Monsieur Clouseau for a new Pink Panther outing.

Now I'm not even a fan of the series, but my heart sank at the news. After all, how could it possibly go right?

Alan Arkin and (incredibly) Roger Moore have both had a go at the role since Sellers' death, while a pre-Oscar winning Roberto Begnini played the inspector's equally hapless son.

And no less distinguished stars as Kevin Spacey and Mike Myers have handed back the script with a firm "non!"

Hollywood, however, is not at home to original ideas, and has never been a place where the death of a franchise's leading man should mean the money machine stops spinning.

So, after what at least is a decent gap this time, here comes the Panther again, another entry in the endless pantheon of remakes.

And, since I don't have to go see it, who cares?

What upsets me about all this is the continuing demise of Steve Martin's career, which had just briefly looked like it might return to something approaching the glory days of the The Jerk, The Man With Two Brains, and All of Me.

Yes, Martin's rehash of Cyrano de Bergerac, Roxanne, was pretty good, but thereafter the one-time comic genius's descent into sentimentality began.

You think The Birth of the Pink Panther will be OK? I've got four word for you - Father of the Bride.

Still, when you look at how well Martin did standing in for Phil Silvers in the Sgt Bilko remake, there's hope after all, eh?

What's that? Oh.

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